Welcome back true believers!
I can't believe we've done 30 sessions of this game! It's definitely the longest gaming group I've been in and naturally, the longest I've GMed. This is a story that I am really proud of, and I've even started up a second group with my son and his friends, doing the exact same story. So maybe there is some truth to the matter that this is kinda railroady, but you know what? I have not gotten many complaints, and my group, which started as a group of five, is now hovering between 11 and 12. I'm doing something right.
So this session involves another time jump forward. As it stands now, we're about two months after the Battle of Hoth, but I am pretty eager to move toward the Battle of Endor and wrap things up. Our group wants to try out another game, and I'm honestly running out of ideas. Theree are a lot of prewritten modules but the consensus has been that most players don't really like these. TBH, I've picked the four I like the best. Some of the others just seem like they are not Star Wars, but other Sci-Fi concepts shoehorned in.
To date, we've run the following WEG modules:
Pirates of Prexiar (inside 2nd Edition Revised and Extended rulebook)
Of these, Alderaan and Starfall were the most obviously Star Wars.
Cloud City is a distant third. The location was familiar, but the antagonist is more Terminator or Hal 9000 than the empire.
Riders is very NOT a Star Wars setting, and had you working together with Imperials after the pirates attacked. Intersting, but not quite as Star Wars as it could have been.
I plan to run one more module before we arrive on Endor. But enough about all that. Let's get into the opening crawl.
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| Is it humid in here? |
Opening Crawl:
Episode XXX
RAIDERS OF THE LOST TEMPLE OF DOOM
The crew of the Silverlight zoom through space on their way to the remote planet of Dagobah, where the Jedi Master Yoda lives in hiding.
They believe that he is their last hope at reversing the effects of an interdimensional travel mishap that swapped the minds and bodies of the Ewok warrior D’Wook and the aspiring Jedi Hal Brunchkiller, bringing about much chaos and confusion.
Hal’s friend Luke Skywalker has advised them to do whatever Yoda asks without question, and to watch that landing. It can be a little bumpy!
Prior to the start of this session, off camera, the crew of the Silverlight returned to New Alderaan.
Vero dropped off Kaydell to be sent to boarding school there. There were not a lot of children among the Alderaanian survivors, so the fledgling community was very eager to accept her into their fold.
They also picked up Maki, who by now had fully recovered from her severe wounds.
(Maki's player, who moved to a different city actually came back for this session! It was good to have her back! She really loved what we did with the character while she was away!)
D’Hal thought to bring his flutterplume... but the bird senses something is off when H’Wook is trying to interact with him.... And it generally does not want to listen to D’Hal. So it was not a viable choice.
They were about an hour away from Dagobah.
Jeegn1: So.. this .. master Yoda. Is he cool? I mean... we’re just gonna show up on his doorstep and say.. Hey baby! What’s shakin’?
Jeegn2: Well... what do you guys think we should do?
The crew discussed how they would approach Yoda, and what they might say to him. Nothing really concrete came of this, other than that the current occupant of the D'Wook's body probably should not do the talking.
(Note: I could have just started with landing on Dagobah, but I feel like we need chances to roleplay so it's good to have an opportunity for the characters to talk about what they expect prior to the session starting).
After a while, the ship came out of lightspeed and entered orbit around Dagobah.
L1 pulled up the map that R2 gave him, showing the coordinates of Yoda's hut. Turk expertly flew the ship through dense clouds and landed softly next to a swamp and a small hut.
Yoda stepped out of his hut. One would think he would be surprised to have a visitor, but he simply had a look of concern on his face, as if he had foreseen the chaos that just landed on his doorstep.
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| Talk funny, I do. |
Yoda: Traveled far, you have. But know you I do not. For what reason have you arrived?
D'Hal: You must be master Yoda. See we have this problem.
Yoda: Familiar you look. Know you do I? Met me have you?
H'Wook: No we've never met...
D'Hal: Now wait.. actually we have.... but maybe not the same "you."
Yoda: Hmm, strange that sounds. How did you find this place?
D'Hal: Luke Skywalker told us how to find you.
Yoda: Oh... Powerful Luke is! Fight against Vader he did. Much stronger is Vader. Badly hurt was Luke?
D'Hal: Well... he lost his hand... and he learned Vader was his father.
Yoda: Hmmm unfortunate that is... But enough talk of Vader... Help you can I?
H'Wook: Okay, so... here goes. I'm him and he's me. See, we've switched bodies... and we have reason to believe that you can help us switch back.
Yoda: Ah... a soul force pull... write my Master's Thesis on this topic, I did!
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| It's like a force facepalm. |
Grundle: We took a trip to the old Jedi Archives with ya gurl Ahsoka Tano. She hooked it up.
Yoda: The archives... Still operational are they?
Grundle: Nah, they are ruined. We had to do a lot of hacking to get our hands on these.
Yoda looked sad to know the archives have not been maintained.
Yoda: Lost... centuries of knowledge... Lost has it become..
H'Wook: Perhaps after we kick the Empire's ass, we can restore them!
Yoda: Uncertain that is.... anyway... Your problem... Tell me more, you must. At the beginning you will start....
H'Wook: Okay so like we were looking for this temple in the ruins of Alderaan and we found it. It transported us to another universe.. in the past. And that's where we met another version of you and the rest of the Jedi order during the clone wars.
Yoda: Hmmm.. yes.... Another universe... so correct the multiverse theory is. And that is why familiar you seem. Connected am I with other universe counterparts.
H'Wook: Cool... Anyway tho.. after we told you that Chancellor Palpatine is a Sith Lord, the whole Jedi order went to go remove him from power. We also advised that you all attack at once rather than stand around and let Palpatine stab you.
Yoda: Good thinking that was.
H'Wook: Yes... Agreed. Anywho when it came time to return, something happened. D'Wook, got stuck and might have been lost in that universe forever. So I reached out to him with the force and pulled him through the shrinking portal. We were both knocked out from the sheer stress and when we awoke, I was in his body and he was in mine.
Yoda: Strong in the force am I. Found a temple here I did. Travel to it I have, but enter I could not. For the key I do not possess...
Grundle pulled out his double pan flute.
Grundle: Is this the key? It's how we got into the other temple.
Yoda: Know that, I do not... but visit this temple you must. Solve your problem it will not, but determine if you are worthy, it will.
Yoda: Tell you, I cannot. Find it yourself, you must. Your guide, the force will be.
Losar T'an: How cryptic.
Yoda: Beware. This planet is balanced with the force, which, in every being lives. Kill not any creature, except for food, or risk upending this balance.
Yoda: (To Maki....) You....Too dangerous it will be for you.
Maki: (in Ewokese) Why?
Yoda: Tell you now, I can not. But return to me, you must. When they gain entry, enter you must not. Return to me you must.
Maki: (in Ewokese) Sheesh!
Yoda invited them all in for dinner. They ate to be polite, but Losar was convinced that the old Jedi Master's taste buds must be off... Rotten swampweed soup isn't the tastiest cuisine.
The crew decided to spend the night on their ship and set out the next morning.
As they were walking through the jungle, they found that there was no real set path. They kept moving between the trees and around swamps. L1 had mobility issues and occasionally used his jet packs to get around terrain. Though they didn't know exactly where they were going, D'Hal and H'Wook walked as if they were being drawn to a specific place. The rest of the team could only blindly follow as the jungle grew thicker and thicker.
The first three days were largely uneventful... but by day four, they ran out of rations. They decided to press on and try living off the land for a while.
Just then they saw one of the bushes with some rustling in it.
As they moved closer... they saw an animal. It looked like a very large, man-sized reptilian with short arms and a long tail and a large beak that looks as if it is used for stabbing prey. This one had just taken down a large beast ... one that looks like a pink, trunkless elephant. It was picking away at his kill, but it stopped and looked at the bipeds approaching it.
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| This is actually a Star Wars beast called a Pikobi. Meanwhile, the prey is called an Elephoth. |
The pikobi let out a roar... It was a high pitched screech.
The party engaged the pikobi. Several of them missing it as it rushed towards them.
Losar T'an took out his beskar frypan and slapped it over the head, knocking it out.
Feeling the threat was over, the party began to discuss whether it might be a good idea to take the prey and make rations out of it, looking to Losar T'an to flex his cooking muscles... but just then five more pikobis jumped out from behind the trees, taking the group by surprise.
Not wanting to kill any of the pikobis as they were heeding Yoda's words, Turk set his rifle to stun and took one out. Maki, on the other hand, used her flame thrower to singe the skin off of one of them. Golden Wheels used his railgun to shoot one in the face, killing it.
The other pikobis saw they were likely no match, so they ran toward the slain Elephoth, grabbed it, and ran off into the trees.
Grundle looked over the stunned pikobis and recalled from his college xenobiology class that these pikobis are native to Naboo. He told the rest of the group.
Golden Wheels took this to mean that he ought to go chase down the other two and kill them, because they were an invasive species. He ran into the forest alone.
Turk: Golden Wheels, get back here!
(Note: The player really wanted to go run off into the woods hunting down pikobis, but it was clear to everyone else that that wasn't what they were supposed to be doing. Out of game they tried to talk to him saying they needed to get to the temple and said that simply because a species is not native to a planet does not necessarily make it invasive. And even if it were, Dagobah has a specific balance as Yoda mentioned, and the invasive species does not appear to be upsetting the balance.)
I think the player wanted to derail the session as usual, but he was talked out of it.)
After the battle the party licked their wounds and found a clearing to set up camp for the night. Or the day.. With so many trees barely any light comes through so it’s almost impossible to know what time it is exactly without checking their watches. Wait... do they have watches in Star Wars?
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| Yes. Leia has one! |
Anyway, back to the story. As they were setting up camp, a Jeegn struggled to make a fire. He was hitting two flint rocks together. Meanwhile the other Jeegn was hitting two steel plates. They looked at each other like.. What are we doing wrong?
H'Wook walked over to one of the Jeegns, took a rock, gave it to the other, took a plate and gave it to the first.
The Jeegns tried banging things together again, this time letting off sparks as intended.
Jeegn: What do you think the temple will be like?
The party discussed what they had learned so far, deciding that it likely would have some similarity to the one they found on Alderaan... but also that it wouldn't be identical and they need to keep on their toes.
Grundle played a soft melody on his harmonica as the party drifted off to sleep.
The next morning they woke up. One of the Jeegns was out swimming in the swamp holding a makeshift spear and stabbing into the water. The other Jeegn was nowhere to be found.
The fishing Jeegn raised his stick out of the water. It has a large eel wriggling on it. He pulls it off and sticks it in his bag.... The bag bulges.. Indicating that a lot of fish were caught. It seems like Jeegn... well at least this one... thrives in a swamp situation.
Suddenly a hard round thing the size of a human head fell from the sky near Turk. It looked like it would have knocked him out if it had hit him.
Two more dropped to the ground in front of him. One of them hit a rock and split open... a yellow milky substance splashed on the muddy ground... It smelled oddly savory. Almost like meat.
Jeegn 2: Look OUT BELOW!!!!
The other Jeegn was in the trees above hanging from a branch loaded with many of these fruits.
He started shaking the tree... causing hundreds of the fruits to fall to the ground.
Those below dived out of the way.
The Jeegns returned from the swamp and the trees. Fishing Jeegn handed the pack full of eels and fish to Losar T’an.
Jeegn: See what you can do with this.
The other Jeegn started stacking the coconuts in a pyramid.
Grundle: Wow, Jeegn. I never knew you had survival skills like these.
Jeegn: Rodian is a swampy jungle planet. We're natural swamp dwellers.
The rest of the team decided to go forage for breakfast, delivering a bounty of berries, leafy greens and other forest goodies for Losar T'an to cook with..
When all was said and done, Losar laid out a spread that ended up being the best meal they had had as a group. He even managed to cut the fruit shells in a way that made them self-sealing biodegradable lunch boxes.
After breakfast they continued walking through the woods. The rest of their hike was largely uneventful, but it was about 10 days long, and they got sprains cuts and bruises along the way.
But finally on day 10, they came to what looked like a large polished rock sticking out of the mud. It was at an odd angle, but it looked familiar. Almost like the one they had seen on Alderaan.
H'Wook: Let's do our thing.
Grundle: Okay I'll play my double pan flute.
Grundle played the same song he had played inside the temple at Alderaan. It was quite melodious and majestic. A really well crafted piece. So angelic sounding...
Nothing happened.
H'Wook: Wait, what are we supposed to do?
D'Hal: Wait, to get into the temple on Alderaan, we had to put our hands on the tile and use the force.
H'Wook's player: Okay I stick my hand on the tile.
GM: What tile?
H'Wook's player: The tile in front of the temple.
GM: What temple? All you guys see is a giant ziggurat sticking out of the ground.
D'Hal: Yeah, so the ziggurat is the temple, right?
GM: Could be...
D'Hal: No.. I mean the definition of ziggurat is a large manmade structure, which I am assuming is our temple.
GM: No, isn't a ziggurat just an impossibly large stone? I mean a temple could be made of ziggurats, sure, but what you see in front of you is a very large polished stone, sticking out of the mud at an angle.
H'Wook's player: Yeah that's not a ziggurat. The official definition of ziggurat is "a rectangular stepped tower, sometimes surmounted by a temple."
GM: Okay, well my bad. I thought a ziggurat was just a large stone. Anyway you see in front of you an impossibly large stone sticking out of the mud at an angle.
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| Well gee, how did that get there? |
H'Wook's player: Okay, so I stick my hand on the tile.
GM: WHAT TILE?!??!?!?!??!
H'Wook's player: THE ONE IN FRONT OF THE TEMPLE!
GM: WHAT TEMPLE?!?!?!?!?!?
H'Wook's player: The stone! I stick my hand on the tile in front of the large stone.
GM: WHAT TILE?!?!???!??!?
D'Wook's player: (facepalm) We have to dig. He never said there was a tile. He said there's this rock sticking out of the mud and that the rock looks similar to what we saw on Alderaan. So that means there likely is a tile, but it could have been buried by nature over the years.
GM: THANK YOU!
The whole party began to dig until they uncovered the tile and D'Hal and H'Wook placed their hands on it and used the force.
The side of the polished rock shone out a bright light... one that almost felt as if they could walk through.
They all stepped through the light.
Stepping through... It was actually very dry and dusty in there. There was the sound of wind blowing up ahead....
As they walked down the corridor, a whooshing sound could be heard, and Grundle was stuck with a dart.
Vero ducked and carried him to safety, but it was apparent that the whole corridor was a booby trap. The party was able to dodge their way across it with minimal damage.
They then came across two minecars on what appeared to be parallel tracks. Half could fit in one car and half in the other.
H'Wook wondered what kind of mine this was. H'Wook identified that the rocks strewn about were kyber ore... but also recalled that the process for separating ore from crystal was lost to history.
One of the minecar tracks had a gap, so someone smacked a lever to switch tracks... but that would mean the two cars would collide... so someone else expertly braked.
A corridor lie ahead. It was the familiar sound of running water.
As they entered the corridor, it got moist. The deeper they ventured in the more moist it got until it was downright clammy. You emerged in a very familiar looking room. It had a fountain in the center... This fountain wassn’t broken like the one on Alderaan was. Also there was also a strange door ahead. With the familiar archaic musical notation.
There was a blinding light and the door opened. Stepping through the light was a very tall, short-haired somewhat elderly force ghost.
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| Yes. These Skywalker force ghosts from distant futures in alternate dimensions just hang out in temples. |
Anakin: Greetings, travelers. I’ve been waiting for you. It’s been a very long time.... Well... at least for me.
Vero: Identify yourself.
Anakin: Oh.. you probably don’t recognize me. This is so wizard. It’s me! Anakin! You visited us during the clone wars and told us about Palpatine being a Sith...
H'Wook: Are you visiting us from the future of that reality? Very wizardly indeed!
Anakin: You're not using it right.
H'Wook: What?
Anakin: It's "That's so wizard," not "very wizardly indeed." Get with it.
H'Wook: No, that doesn't make sense. Wizard is a noun. You have to make it an adjective.
Jeegn 1: Actually the adjective would not be "wizardly." It'd be "wizard-like" or "wizardy." "Wizardly" is more of an adverb. It ends in "-ly."
H'Wook: Yes, but some adjectives end in "-ly," like, "cowardly," and "friendly." I think if the root word ends in a "d" then the adjective form uses "-ly." But I can see why that would be confusing considering most adverbs end in "-ly."
Jeegn: Bzzz... wrong. "Coldly" isn't an adjective. So your d rule does not apply!
H'Wook: No, actually, in the case of cold, the noun and the adjective are the same. The cold has arrived. That is why it's cold in here.
Anakin: Um, guys?...
Jeegn: Wow.. I never realized that there were so many exceptions in language that our brains just understand the rules to without needing to make sense of it. Language is amazing.
Anakin: Guys!!! Guys!!! It's slang from my childhood. The phrase is "It's so wizard!" or "That's so wizard!" "This is so wizard!" It doesn't follow any linguistic rules.
Jeegn: Well I beg to differ, sir! Every spoken word follows a set of linguistic rules whether you are aware of them or not. in fact, if you analyze the sentence structure of the phrase in question, "This is so wizard," you'll find that it bypasses the laws of standard Galactic Basic, but this variety of Basic is spoken in parts of the outer rim, particularly where Huttese intersects... in fact, one could say it is a direct translation of an expression in Huttese, which when properly translated might be rendered "What sorcery is this?" But a quick and dirty translation leaves the exact structure of the original Huttese, which marks questions through intonation and inflection rather than with marker words. So directly translated into Basic, it becomes a statement instead of a question, but still reflects the speaker's astonishment. Many phrases migrate into other languages through direct translations.... for example...
L1-NK gave Jeegn a quick shock.
Jeegn: Owww... Hey why'd you do that for?
L1 said in beeped and booped that Jeegn should shut up and listen to Anakin.
Anakin: Heh... this one's feisty. That's so Wi... um... cool. Anyway... I’d like to thank each and every one of you. You saved my universe and spared it from the evil empire of your universe. So I’d like to repay the favor.
Anakin: While i can’t change major events in the history of your universe, as you did... I can allow each of you a second chance... at something that will greatly improve your life if you’re successful.
Grundle: How can we do that?
Anakin: I can’t answer exactly... but you should each step through the door... except... YOU....
He pointed at Maki
Anakin:Your place is not here. ... (bad impression) Return to Master Yoda, you must.... Oh yeah.. And tell him I said hey!
Maki turned around and began her long hike back to Yoda's hut.
Meanwhile, the rest of the party steped through the door and were instantly plunged into.... DARK!!!!!!!!
They could see nothing, hear nothing, feel nothing, taste nothing, smell nothing.. And they weren’t entirely certain who they were.
(Note: Kids of the '80s might recognize this next sequence as being entirely lifted from the Infocom text game of the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. We have a few people that recognized this sequence immediately, but they were not allowed to share the solution with the others.)
There was nothing they could see, hear, feel, smell or taste.. And they weren't sure why they were here.
They could feel nothing, smell nothing, taste nothing, and hear nothing and they were not certain if they were a singular or plural.
This went on for several rounds with most players not quite understanding what they were supposed to do until...
Grundle's player: See! Look! I look at what's in front of me.
They were staring out the cockpit of the Silverlight as the stars zoomed by. They were mesmerized by the flashing lights of hyperspace.
In fact... all of the players were seeing and sensing everything from this one person’s point of view... but not all of them were in control...
But.. they all remember who they were.. They were Turk.. the smuggler... making a run to Tatooine.
Turk looked back into the cabin... and Grundle and Hal are playing holochess against each other.
Grundle: So what’s your deal?
Hal: Turk agreed to give me a ride to Tatooine in if I help him unload the shipment. What about you guys? Why are you flying around in this dump? Don’t you have a tour ship or something?
Jeegn: We got these Twi’leks to meet on one of Yavin’s moons. Have to be discrete though. You know how it is...
Grundle: From the looks of him.. He DOESN’T know how it is.. heheh.
Turk was having a deja vu moment. Everything about this situation felt oddly familiar.
Gonner (from the cockpit): Hey Turk, ‘ol buddy ‘ol pal... it looks like we have an intruder in the cargo bay...
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| Remember me? |
Turk, Hal, Jeegn and Grundle ran to investigate.
Things sped up a bit and then slowed down again. Almost as if someone pushed play and fast forward on a video cassette player, but only this was reality, not a home movie.
They were all now sitting in the lounge, with D’Wook seemingly having calmed down.
Turk couldn't shake the feeling that this all seemed oddly familiar to him.
He went into the cockpit.
Turk: Gonner... take the ship out of lightspeed.
Gonner: But it's not time yet. We'll be there in 10 minutes.
Turk: Nah bro. Trust me on this.
Gonner: Okay, but it'll take a lot longer to approach the planet at sublight speed.
The ship came out of light speed, with the planet much larger in the window than they expected.
Gonner: Woah! Holy smokes! If we'd stayed in lightspeed for 10 more minutes we'd have come out while already in the planet's gravity and crashed! One of us could have died!!!!
Turk got on the comms and made arrangements to land at Mos Eisley spaceport.
The excitement of this day was immense. Turk was about to score bigly with this shipment and he'd be on his way to Yavin... collect the charter... then he'd have enough to pay off the ship and be free.
Turk high-fived Gonner, jumped out of his seat.. And hit his head on the ceiling... everything went dark....
(Note: I wasn't going to do the senses puzzle again like the Infocom game. I figured if they figured it out once it's interesting, but if they have to do it each time, it becomes busywork.)
And then it was light again.
L1-NK was standing in an office that opens up to a conference room aboard the Kuari Princess. He sensed his stupid companions were gonna go in guns blazing as usual, and it would fall upon him to get them out of trouble... as usual.
"Organics are so dense," he thought. "No wonder they are obsolete."
This seemsed oddly familiar to L1.
Hal pushed the button to open the door.
As the door opened, L1 saw exactly 53 stormtroopers, Moff Gideon and Moff Wolf.
Moff Wolf: Shoot them!
Before L1 could warn his friends, Maki flicked the safety switch on her flamethrower and charged at the door.
L1 saw that this was a stupid move. Running would be the correct one. But having a body made of beskar might be helpful in a situation such as this. L1 positioned himself in front of Maki, blocking the door. Dozens of blaster bolts bounced off of his body. One made it through, striking Maki in the leg, and rendering her imobile.
As she was being dragged away to safety, Hal stepped in front of L1 and began parrying the shots.
Hal: Close this door!
L1 closed the doors and opened the ones leading to the hallway. He waited for all his friends to flee into the hallway and then rolled through the doors himself.
There was a rapid blinking light... when it stabilized....
D'Wook was running down a corridor on the heavily damaged artificial space island. At least.. That’s how he'd decided to call this place. His friends use the word Star Destroyer a lot.. But also Subjugator. He wasn't sure why they keep changing their words.
D'Wook knew that his friends were a lot more cautious in battle. That’s why he often charged into battle while they would be debating tactics... There was an intersection up ahead. All appeared to be quiet.
This all seems oddly familiar to him.
D'Wook was far ahead of his friends. They were trying their best to keep up, but the tall ones lacked his endurance. His instinct is to charge into the intersection, look left and right and then attack whatever happens to be there.
But he couldn't shake the feeling that he'd been there before, and something bad had happened.
D'Wook waited for his friends. They all caught up and stopped to rest, Turk knelt down to catch his breath.
D'Wook stuck his trident out into the intersection.
BLAM!!!!
Direct hit. It melted the center tine of the trident. D'Wook was angry that his favorite weapon was damaged. But relieved it was not himself who had been hit.
Several blasts from a turbolaser, a weapon meant to take out enemy fighters, thundered down the corridor, making the intersection uncrossable. Finally they stopped.
Imperial gunner: Out of Ammo sir.
Imperial officer: You idiot.. Reload!!!!!
D'Wook lept into action. This time... simply running through the intersection. Though he was tempted to turn the corner and attack what had attacked him... he resisted that urge and crossed to the other side. Just as his friends caught up again...
Imperial officer: They're escaping! FIRE!!!!
The gunner began shooting again. But it was too late. They were all already across.
Once again everyone felt the dizzying speed up and when things slowed down again...
Losar T'an was in the hangar bay of the Subjugator... the two genetically modified Rancors were marching through the crowd of shooting stormtroopers. They picked up troopers and bit through their armor like it was paper. What he wouldn’t have given to have kitchen knives that cut like Rancor teeth. In fact, he thought maybe he'd try that... If he could get out of here alive, that is.
But he kept staring that them. Rancors are pretty rare.. But if he could get their teeth and mount it on a scabbard.. he could filet anything with ease...
This all seemed eerily familiar to him
Observing the situation from a glass window above was Lira Wolf. She cackled with delight as the troopers shoot round after round at the Rancors.
L1 beeps at him. He’d gathered six thermal detonators.
L1: Beep boop beep! (Cover me with the meat.)
Losar's memory was a bit spotty so it took a while. But he recalled...he had come out of the kitchen, his pack full of that really expensive meat. The type of meat where a single portion costs more than most homes on his home planet. His plan had been to take it with him. He'd always wanted to work with the stuff, but never got the chance. This stuff costs like 500,000 credits per portion, and that jerk captain Kolaff eats it well done with a side of ketchup. What a waste.
L1: Beep boop boop beep!!!! (Hurry! Cover me with the meat!!!!)
Losar remembered that Rancors have poor sight and locate prey by smell. He might be able to lure one over by simply using one piece, rather than his whole stash. He took out a juicy cut and smeared it all over L1's beskar panels. The smell was heavenly and it brought tears to Losar's eyes to even have to waste this much. He balanced the steak on L1's head and stepped back.
One of the Rancors stopped fighting stormtroopers, walked over to L1, picked him up, and swallowed him whole.
Losar: FIRE IN THE HOLE!!!!
A few moments later a giant ball of fire erupted from the Rancor's mouth. It fell to the ground and let out a dying groan.
One could hear a the sound of a small circular saw coming from the corpse.
Losar ran over to the slain rancor with a kitchen knife in hand. He hacked away at the creature's gums, knocking loose one of its massive teeth. He picked it up and placed it in his pack.
Suddenly there was more fast forwarding...
There was just one minute before the Subjugator was to explode... Grundle could hear the timer counting down as he and and Jeegn pushed the close button on the ramp. He hoped beyond hope that those fools knew how to pilot a Lambda shuttle.
Explosions were starting but it looked like they'd just get out in the nick of time, but suddenly Grundle could hear the familiar sound of a fellow Ithorian.. communicating via low frequency to be audible with all the noise...
This seems VERY familiar to him.
Grundle looked out into the hangar bay and saw the other Jeegn holding the other Grundle who was slumped over his shoulder.
Other Grundle: WAIT!!!!
Jeegn leapt up...
Jeegn: We gotta go help them.
Grundle also jumped out of the ship and ran over to help. The three of them were carrying the other Grundle to the ramp....
Grundle remembered a large piece of ceiling was going to fall on the ramp.
Grundle: Wait a second.
A large piece of ceiling fell onto the ramp and broke apart, leaving a huge dent in the ramp.
Jeegn: Wow! That could have hit one of us.
They all scampered on board.
Vero: (on comms) Close the RAMP NOW!!!!!
Grundle hit the button to close the ramp as the shuttle zoomed out of the subjugator and immediately entered lightspeed...
But suddenly... there was more flashing light...
And.. well... Golden Wheels had seen a lot of things on this asteroid. But it had taken a lot from him already. That jetpack he'd had his whole life..... wait. Hadn't he just been activated yesterday?
He and his friends stepped into what was once the steam baths. But inside they encountered.. A sleeping baby space slug...
This seems awfully familiar to him.
Golden Wheels scanned the slug for weaknesses. There didn't appear to be any on its exterior... but as it snored, he noted that the weakest point would likely be inside its mouth.
Golden Wheels assumed though that the and the others would have a tactical advantage as the beast is sleeping.
Hal whipped out his lightsaber. This thing could be dangerous, he said.
Golden Wheels wanted to attack... but he then got the feeling that that might end badly. They could simply walk past this room and continue on their way.
Golden Wheels: I don't think there's anything important in here. Let's leave the little guy alone and go find out how we're gonna get out of here.
Hal extinguished his lightsaber.
They all turned around and went to check the next room.
There was another blinding light....
Grundle shouted at Hal..
Grundle: Dude you’re not supposed to look directly at an eclipse... especially not at a Class 7 Pulsar!
Hal looked out at the cargo bay of the Silverlight, stocked to the brim with kyber crystals. He couldn't believe that he'd have to jettison these. Couldn’t Dr. Blissex have figured out a way to let him keep some...?
Hal picked up a beautiful blue one and put it in his pocket
This all seemed very familiar to him...
 |
| Oooh! Ahhhh! |
Things started moving fast again... but slowed to normal speed.
Hal and Grundle jettisoned the crystals and closed the cargo bay door.
Everything went Dark..... as the cabin repressurized the lights came on... there was a silhouette.... A hooded figure...
This seemed very familiar to Hal
The figure removed his hood, revealing the all too familiar Gungan visage, but wait.. No, this was much much scarier. Eerie lenses protruded from where Far Far's eyes once were, and his orange Gungan skin was now black shiny metal. His mouth was covered by what looked like a large breathing apparatus. As he walked toward them, his movements appeared far less graceful, but more exact, and robotic.
Hal was certain that of the three of them, at least one wasn’t going to make it out of this cargo bay alive.
Hal realized that Far Far Stinks, whom they thought had died, had fully succumbed to the evolution droid virus which he contracted on cloud city and alongside the force, it was keeping him alive.
Hal ignited his lightsaber and stood in place yelling “We offered you breakfast burritos!”
Far Far: Breakfast burritos do not concern me young Jedi fool. I want what I came for.
Hal: you sound funny. Why aren’t you talking all meesa and yousa?
Far Far: This… condition has changed me. I am no longer what I used to be. My mind… is no longer just my own. My agony and anguish is constant and I demand vengeance.
Hal stepped forward, bravely holding his ignited lightsaber in front of him.
Hal: come and get it!
Far Far waved his robotic hand and pinned Hal to the wall.
Far Far: No… I am no longer pursuing you Hal. Your chance to join me has come and gone. I want revenge on the man who did this to me…
“GRUNDLE CHANKEN!!!!!”
Far Far: “I shall take from you… that which you have taken from me!”
Far Far stepped over to Grundle and ignited his lightsaber. He held him down with the force and wielded the lightsaber close to the Ithorian's left mouth.
Hal closed his eyes and concentrated. He mustered up all his willpower and using his legs, he pushed off the wall, did a mid-air flip, ignited his lightsaber and knocked Far Far's out of the way.
Far Far: So you're a strong one afterall...This should be fun.
Hal and Far Far began dueling back and forth. Hal was clearly outmatched but he was able to hold his own. For some reason there were several opportunities for Hal to get a lick in but he hesitated, allowing Far Far to close up any holes in his own defense.
Ghost of Schala: HAL! USE THE FORCE!!!
Hal pushed Far Far away with his telekenesis. Far Far stood up and engaged him again.
Hal: I don't know what you want me to do master!
Grundle: Who are... you talking to?
Ghost of Schala: SO USE A FORCE POINT, CONCENTRATE, AND MAKE AN EPIC SWING WITH YOUR LIGHTSABER. RIGHT NOW YOU'RE USING ONLY EIGHT DICE BUT IF YOU CONCENTRATE AND USE A FORCE POINT YOU'LL BE USING 24!
Hal: How does that work?
Ghost of Schala: You have a cheat sheet! Use it!
(Note: Hal's player had been prepared to play as D'Wook this session. He's been doing a great job at that, but now suddenly thrust into a force combat situation he froze. He couldn't figure out what he needed to do to take out Far Far again... even though he'd done it before.)
Hal's player attacked again, unleashing 24 dice on Far Far, who parried with only 12 dice.
The saber entered Far Far's body roughly between his legs. It continued upward at such speed cutting him pefectly in half, bisecting his head completely. The brain was now almost entirely mechanical. It continued to function but barely. Half of Far Far's body began inching along the floor toward a computer terminal in the cargo bay.
Hal reached his hand out and crushed the brain with the force.
There was a blinding light and then...
Boss: Alright lady... I don’t know who you are... but if you want the kid you’ll have to make Moff Wolf pay up...
Boss: Tell you what I’m gonna do. I’m gonna give you to the count of 10, to get your ugly, yellow, no good rotten stinkin' keister off my property, before I pump your guts full of (blaster plasma).
Vero leapt into action, putting the crimeboss in a neck lock. The boss began shooting errantly as he tried to escape. With a twist of her arms, the boss' neck snapped and his corpse slumped to the ground.
Vero could hear footsteps running in the hall. She locked the door to the boss' office.
Gangster: Boss, you okay?
Vero motioned for Kaydell to keep quiet. She untied her daughter from the chair.
Kaydell: Who are you?
Vero: I'm ... a friend of your mom. But we gotta get outta here now.
Gangster: Open up in there!!!
Vero and Kaydell heard that the gangsters were cutting the door open.
Under the chair there was a grate leading into the sewers. Vero lifted the grate and she and Kaydell lowered themselves down.
There was a flashing light.
Jodo Kast: Look Soan... we’ve been together ever since I picked up you and your sister from that hellhole you call home. But if you’re now saying you want to be on your way... I get it. Maybe this life just isn’t for you.
Jodo Kast: You run a tough bargain. Ok.. five years... 10 percent and we've got a deal come find me in 4ABY
They shook hands.
Lights began to flash in a strobing effect.
Everyone stepped out of the portal.
Anakin: Welcome back, travelers! You’ve changed all these past events and made your reality a better place. But your own memories... they will be unchanged. Some of the changes will be jarring to you.
Gonner: That’s so cool.
Turk had been sipping water out of his standard Imperial standard-issue precision waterflow optimum pressurized stormtrooper canteen, suddenly spit water all over himself.
Turk: Gonner? You're alive?
Gonner: Well yeah, why wouldn't I be?
Turk immediately opened his fly and began examining the underwear he was wearing. It was not his own. He was wearing Gonner's underwear.
Turk: Well then why am I not wearing my own underwear?
Vero: What? What are you talking about?
Vero grew concerned.
Anakin looked concerned as well.
D'Hal facepalmed. He knew exactly what Turk was talking about.
Turk: If we changed the past, then I wouldn't have switched my underwear with Gonner's to fake my death when he was killed in the crash on Tatooine.
Gonner: My death? What are you talking about? I'm not dead. And we didn't crash on Tatooine. I've been with you this whole time!
D'Hal: Gonner... you're one of the things we changed. From your perspective, yeah maybe you've been around the whole time. But from ours... you've been dead since just before the Battle of Yavin.
Gonner: Whaaaa? No way!
Turk: Well, Gonner, are you wearing my Imperial standard-issue moisture-wicking antibacterial weave underwear, with precision elastic for tactical advantage? I don't think I would have given those up if I wasn't trying to fake my death. I'm very fond my underwear and the support it gives me. My underwear makes me whole.
Soan gave Turk a worried look.
Soan: Do you mean to tell me you had only one pair of Imperial standard-issue moisture-wicking antibacterial weave underwear?...
Turk: With precision elastic for tactical advantage!!!!
Soan: .... yes... type B. You only had ONE?
Turk: You only need one. It's antibacterial after all.
Soan threw up in her mouth a bit.
Soan: That was one of the best sellers in my shop on the Subjugator. I'm quite familiar, but why didn't you have more than one pair?
Turk: When I ran away from the Empire, it was the pair I was wearing. I didn't take my other belongings with me.
Soan: Can't you just get more underwear somewhere?
Turk: Once you've tried Imperial standard-issue moisture-wicking antibacterial weave underwear with precision elastic for tactical advantage, you can't really ever be comfortable in any old pair of synthetic fibers. It's been so difficult these past few years. If Gonner's back. I need to have my Imperial standard-issue moisture-wicking antibacterial weave underwear with precision elastic for tactical advantage back.
Soan: So you never wash your underwear?
Turk: No, I do.
Soan: Well what do you wear when your underwear is in the wash?
Turk: Yeah, well I usually go commando. Did you know that if you go commando in Stormtrooper armor, your skin on your dangly bits can chafe....
Soan: I don't want to know.... what I'm saying though is that when you were in my shop, you could have taken several pairs of Imperial standard-issue moisture-wicking antibacterial weave underwear before we left.
Turk: With precision elastic for tactical advantage?
Soan: YES!
Anakin looked increasingly uncomfortable.
Turk: Gonner, can you check your underwear and make sure you're not wearing mine?
Gonner: Seriously?
Turk: Yes... seriously! If you're wearing my underwear, that's totally not cool!
Gonner checked his underwear.
Gonner: Well.. it appears I AM wearing your underwear, Turk. Sorry... it must have gotten mixed up in the wash.
 |
| Unbeknownst to the party, Gonner, who also acknowledged the superiority of the Imperial standard-issue moisture-wicking antibacterial weave underwear with precision elastic for tactical advantage, did not in fact lose it in the wash. He wore it on purpose, knowing they would be in the jungle for likely weeks before finding the temple. Turk suspected as much. |
Turk: Lies!!!!!!
Vero: Okay well while you guys work that out... has anything else changed?
Grundle 2: Well, remember, Anakin said we would have our old memories, so we wouldn't know.
Grundle 1: Wait... am I in my original body?
Grundle 2: I should hope so... whose body would you be in?
Everyone looked at Grundle 2.
Grundle 2: What?
Jeegn 1: You. We went in here with only one of you.
Jeegn 2: Wait... there are two of us too. Did you all come here with just one of me?
Vero: As far as I remember, you both were with us.
Jeegn 2: Ah okay good.
A pint sized Ewok slid down one of the vines and pulled up a spear... pointing it at the party.
He began growling. It was cute.
Maki stepped out of Yoda’s hut.
Maki: (in Basic): Lower your spear, you must, Hal Jr.
H'Wook: Hal Jr.?
Maki: Your son, he is.
Hal Jr.: Daddy?
Hal Jr. ran over to H'Wook and began cuddling against his leg.
H'Wook's brain exploded, but not literally.
Maki: Child support, I demand!
D'Hal: Hahahahahahahaha! The little tyke has your... my eyes.
H'Wook: Wait, Maki you speak Basic... but you also talk funny. What's up with that?
Yoda stepped out of the hut.
Yoda: Learn from me, she did. Speak like me, she does.
Vero: Wait, wait.... we're back here and there are vines overgrown on our ship and Maki wasn't showing when we left but now there's a toddler running around and Maki has learned to speak basic. How long were we gone?
Yoda: One year it has been. What learned you from the temple?
H'Wook: We met Anakin Skywalker and he says hi. Also he said D'Wook... Hal...the human Jedi and I are ready for the trials.
Yoda: Ready are you? Afraid are you not?
H'Wook: I'm not afraid.
Yoda: You will be... you will be...
There was an awkward pause.
Yoda motioned to a cave in the distance.
Yoda: That cave. Strong in the dark side it is. Enter you must.
D'Hal and H'Wook entered the cave. Everyone else began clearing vines off the Silverlight and getting it ready for launch. About an hour later there was a great roaring sound in the sky.
Looking up, they could see a large ship burning across the sky, getting lower and lower. It was going to crash land. Antother ship... was yellow in color... it followed in pursuit. The first ship, even as it continued on a crash land trajectory kept trying to shoot at the second one, which kept dodging the blasters, almost as if it dodged before the shots werefired.
Grundle was not able to identify the exact make and model of the first ship, but he could tell it was Bothan in origin. There was no doubt about the second ship though. It was a Naboo Starfighter, which had been in peak service prior to the Clone Wars. That could only mean one thing.
 |
| Uh Oh. |
The party dashed into the forest in the direction. They heard a loud boom and could see a massive fireball. They ran faster to get to the crash site.
As they approachd the crash scene, they heard many blaster shots and the swinging of a lightsaber.
Grundle caught the glimpse of the hooded figure stepping parrying blaster bolts and deflecting them back towards the Bothans shooting at him.
After a while the shooting stopped.
Far Far: (Robotic voice) Meesa told you no fight back.
The hooded figure walked into the Bothan ship.
Far Far: Data acquired:
Far Far stepped out of the ship.
Far Far: Lifeforms detected. Threat minimal.
Far Far turned and entered his Naboo Starfighter and took off.
Grundle and Vero sprung up and began checking for survivors among the Bothans.
There werea 10 of them... all Bothan. All dead... oh wait.. One of them was moving....
Grundle ran over to him and tried to administer first aid.
Grundle: What's your name, Soldier?
Bothan: Borisss.
Grundle: We're gonna get you out of here alive.
Borisss was bleeding profusely. He knew there was no way Grundle could be right. He looked at Grundle's uniform.
Borisss: Rebels! Quick.. You must hurry. There is... Another Death Star!!!!
Borisss took out a datatape that he had hidden in a pocket.
Borisss: Death Star plans... take these... to Mon... Mothma...
Vero: Was there a copy of this data on the ship computer?
Borisss: Yes... Did not delete... If Empire caught us... they would not try to steal data we already stole from them. Did not know about Gungan Droid.
Borisss coughed up some blood.
Grundle: I'm losing him!!!!
Borisss: Let the galaxy know that WE died fighting for Bothawui.... May the FORCE BE WITH YOU!!!!
And with that Borisss breathed his last.
<To be Continued>
Note: Yes, I did it again. I made the party jump forward a whole year! So much of this campaign has been skipping forward in time. They spent two years in the Sarlaac, six months on a Medieval planet, and a year in the Dagobah temple. All told, it's been 3 and a half years of skipping forward in time, with more skipping for weeks at a time between sessions.
Why am I doing this? Because it's time to get ready for the Battle of Endor, but we were still only a few months out of Hoth.
How much time is between movies?
Episode IV: 0 BBY-0 ABY
Episode V: 3 ABY
Episode VI: 4 ABY
So this means that between movies, this party has been having small adventures but largely being unconscious, stranded, or time traveled forward.
Out of game it's been roughly three years of meeting once per month... so I'd say it's been a good campaign, and it's time to line it up for a satisfying end.
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