Session XII: So you want to be a hero...

 Opening Crawl

Session XII -  So you want to be a hero....

While bombing in his standup comedy act during the harvest festival in the town of Fishlick, Hal Brunchkiller extracted a legendary sword from a stone, shocking and aweing the citizens.

Believing that Hal and his friends are heroes of legend come to fulfill a prophecy, the people will not hesitate to help them in any way that they can.

But who is the wicked king that Hal is seemingly destined to destroy? Some believe it is Sifo-Dyas, while others believe it could be someone else ...

Remove the muscles and add some Jedi robes and that's kinda what it looked like.

Hal raised his sword aloft and declared to the crowd at the festival that Syfo Dyas was bad news, and he needed their help to defeat him.

The people were not hearing it. They instead rushed the stage so that they could hoist their chosen one aloft. In the process, they crowded the stage and Turk, still pretending to be a statue remained still because he was so into the act.

They knocked him off the stage, and rather than using his hands to break his fall, he remained in his statue pose and knocked his head against the legendary stone. He began to see stars and blurred vision but when he came to his senses he stood up.

Vero came to check on Turk to ask him if he was okay.

Turk: I am unharmed. Though such a fall temporarily dulled my senses, it appears to have had no lasting effects.

D’Wook looked strangely at Turk, because he was using long multisyllabic words.

Hal: Please, people, put me down. We need your help to storm Tir Asleen castle and dethrone Sifo-Dyas.

Laurel: Fishlick is home to about 50 or so fishermen. These aren’t soldiers, and even if they were we would be heavily outnumbered. I don’t think you’ll be able to take on Sifo-Dyas without Cherlindria’s help.

Hal: Oh yeah, that’s right, we need your help, people of Fishlick, your chosen one requests help in finding Cherlindria.

Some in the crowd began murmuring that Cherlindria, if she is even real, is dead, and she died about 15 years ago after leaving Sifo-Dyas. They say she was killed by trolls.

Turk: Maybe we should just get in the boats and go to the island where we are told Cherlindria lives...

CT-12 took the remnants of his soup, nine bowls, and began to try to auction them off to the highest bidder.

Exactly nine people offered 5 gold each for the “chosen one” soup.

Grundle: Hey, that’s a great idea, maybe we can play some tunes to bring people to the soup auction. We probably need the money so we can buy weapons and armor.

Stab Martigan, from the crowd: Guys. Remember? The deal was that you’d get two rowboats in the morning and the mayor is also going to give you some weapons. Now if you would please allow the town to feast in your honor, Chosen One, there is a banquet underway in the tavern.

Jeegn: Ah, right. Thanks a lot. Maybe we should just go to the tavern and get our meal and look for a place to spend the night. The island will be there tomorrow.

Laurel: I think then that you all can take it from here. You have your boats. I’ll be heading back to the Nelwyn village. Byeeee!!!

The party entered the tavern and sat at a table in the corner.

Stacy the barmaid came to their table with a smile.

Stacy: A round of mead for everyone?

Grundle: I’d like some meat, sure.

Stacy: No mead.

Grundle: You don’t have meat?

Turk: No, I think she said mead.

CT:12: What’s mead?

Grundle: It’s like.. honey wine.

Stacy began tapping her feet impatiently.

Hal: Yes, ma’am we’ll all have some mead.

Turk: Actually I will have some water. It is well documented that the intoxicating elements found in mead and other alcoholic beverages have a negative effect on the brain’s cognitive abilities.

Jeegn: Isn’t that the point?

Stacy then became seemingly enamored with Turk. 

Stacy: Water for the Chosen One, then?

She winked.

Turk: I am not the chosen one. Hal is.

Stacy (whispering to Turk): He may have pulled the sword, but you’re still the chosen one in my book. 

Turk: I... I don’t know what you mean.

She returned to the table with their drinks and then took their orders. CT-12 was very particular about what he wanted, but everyone else just got whatever was standard. Stacy continued to flirt with Turk throughout the night, and he kept showing that he was not interested. Hal said that he seemed very Vulcan-like in his demeanor. None in present company knew what he was talking about.

Across the room another barmaid screamed and could be seen slapping a customer many times her size. 

Stacy: Oh, it’s that Murdock again. He tends to get handsy with the girls who work here.

Hal took that as his cue to confront Murdock. He and Jeegn ran over to and the other barmaid ducked behind them.

Hal: You need to keep your hands to yourself.

Murdock: Why don’t you mind your own business.

Hal: If you know what’s good for you, you’ll apologize to the lady and never show yourself in this tavern again.

Murdock: Or what?

Hal put his hands on the hilt of his sword and it began to glow.

Murdock: Ooh, yeah, legendary swords. Sure. Use that to your advantage. That wouldn’t be a fair fight. Let’s go hand to hand and I’ll wipe the floor with you.

Hal handed his sword to Grundle and it immediately fell to the ground. No one could pick it up.

Hal: Fine by me. Let’s do this hand to hand.

The crowd roared and began chanting “Chosen One! Chosen One!”

Jeegn lunged at Murdock and tried to him in the head with his mighty elbow.

Murdock dodged out of the way.

The crowd booed. BOOOOOOOOOO! Fight fair! No cheating!

Hal called off Jeegn and told him it was one on one.

Murdock turned around and sat down and ordered another drink. 

Murdock: If you want to fight fair let me know. I can take on a legendary hero for sure, but not his whole posse.

Hal walked up to him and demanded he apologize to the lady.

The crowd booed, and some began to chant Murdock’s name.

Murdock: Get the heck out of here, you nerd!

Crowd: Ooooooh! Murdock rules! Murdock rules! 

Hal: Apologize now!

Crowd: Booooo...

Murdock: Or what? You and your 8 friends will lynch me? Forget it.

Grundle pulled Hal to the side

Grundle: You know.. He kind of did back down. Maybe we don’t need to be instigating fights here.

The party decided to turn in for the night at the local inn. The innkeeper said they could have four rooms free of charge. Vero and CT-16 took one room and the other players paired off.

When Turk and CT-12 got to their room, they found a note with a heart on it. It said meet me in the lobby at midnight xoxo - Stacy

Turk waited for the right time and went to the lobby.

Stacy was waiting there and she invited Turk for a “walk in the garden”

He obliged. 

She began turning on her massive feminine charms toward him and he continually rebuffed her. She began asking questions like why they were in town performing just for boats to go to the lake? She wanted to know what was in the lake.

Turk kept sticking to his story that they wanted to start a fishing business, which she didn’t really buy. She began asking questions about Hal. Turk explained that he’s never shown anything particularly special about him except for tonight.

She kept batting her eyes and asking about what else might be out on the lake and why they were so determined to get out there. Turk did not mention the island, simply saying that they needed the boats to go out on the lake. They did like boating afterall.

Stacy acknowledged that Turk was entitled to his secrets, and that made him all the more mysterious, and she liked her men that way. But Turk again rebuffed her advance.

After they circled the garden once Stacy frowned and told Turk he doesn’t understand women, and she stormed away.

Turk went back to bed. He explained to the others that Stacy kept asking what they were up to, that maybe she was a spy. But he had kept his mouth shut.

The next morning the mayor met them in the town square with an assortment of medieval weapons like battle axes, crossbows, swords, bows, and the like. Each who wanted a weapon chose what they wanted and they got into the boats and began to row into the lake which was covered in fog.

After about an hour they heard a loud wail in the distance. The water began to ripple ahead of them as if someone had dropped a giant rock into the lake.

Jeegn: So there are whales here?

Grundle: No.. a wail, like you know, wailing?

Jeegn: Whaling? Like killing whales with harpoons? We have to save the whales!

Grundle: No, like a monster moaning.. A wail. 

Jeegn: Oh...

Ripples began to hit the boat from the opposite direction and a wail could be heard behind them. Up ahead they could see that there was a large-bodied swimming animal with a long neck, its features hidden by the fog. Anyone looking backward could see a similar animal behind them.

They were converging on the current location of the boats.

Turk: We should escape! Let us row perpendicular to the parallel of these monsters and escape with our lives.

Fire shot across the sky as one beast breathed fire in the direction of the other. It singed D’Wook’s fur a bit and one of the boats caught on fire.

One of the lake monsters whacked its tail into the water causing a wave that capsized one of the boats. The four inhabitants spent the next few rounds swimming to the other boat and trying to get in. As each person tried to pull themselves in more and more water was getting into the boat.

Turk: We must balance the weight such that the added weight caused by the downward force of a new passenger will be at equilibrium.

Eventually each team member was aboard the boat as the lake monsters shot fire at each other and slapped their fins to create waves.

Hal used the force to lift the boat 10 feet out of the water, putting the group in considerable danger.

Grundle told him to lower the boat to about a foot so they could row away.

He did and the boat rowed off into the distance leaving the two fighting monsters behind.

Eventually the fog cleared and they made their way to a small island that seemed deserted except for the ruins of a temple that Hal felt resembled an old Jedi structure. It was locked, so they knocked on the door.

A voice called out to them asking them to identify themselves.

Hal explained that they were travelers from afar and that they had come a very very long way to see Cherlindria.

The door opened and out stepped a knight in full armor. 

Knight: Oh, was that supposed to be today?

Grundle: Wait what do you mean? Were you expecting us?

Turk: It would appear you had anticipated our arrival. Perhaps you are a soothsayer of sorts.

Knight: No, I am the head knight of the Tir Asleenian Royal Guard, and protector of the Sorceress Cherlindrea. 

Hal: Oh great. Can we speak with her?

Knight: No one sees Cherlindrea without going through me first. Defeat me in one on one combat and she will grant you an audience. Have at you, Hal Brunchkiller.

With that, the knight raised his shield in his right hand and his sword in his left.

Hal clumsily held his glowing legendary sword in his left hand, as his dominant right hand, afterall does not work on this planet because it is mechanical.

Using the flat of his blade, the knight knocked Hal’s legs from under him.

Knight: Keep your stance wider!

Hal stood up again and swung his sword at the knight. It was blocked by the other sword and Hal received a face full of shield.

Knight: Be wary of the counter attack after parry!

Hal regained his composure, and wondered why the knight hadn’t killed him despite having two clear chances to.

This time, he attempted to use his non working hand to wield the legendary sword with two hands. He charged at the knight and shouted as he put all his might behind his next attack.

The knight stepped to the side as Hal, carried by the momentum and weight of the sword, zoomed past him. He then tagged hall in the back with the hilt of his blade.

Knight: You’re off balance. This isn’t like a lightsaber fight like you’re used to. This sword has mass.

Hal: Yes... master? 

Hal let out a small chuckle.

Knight: I’m not your master. Now come on, this is serious. The fate of the entire galaxy may depend on your ability to wield that blade.

Hal felt the force flowing within him and all at once he saw clarity. He charged in and struck the knight’s shield, forcing it from his hand. The knight parried his next blow with his sword.

Clang Clang Clang!

Hal had managed to score a hit on the knight’s helmeted head, of course with the flat of his blade.

Knight: I yield, good sir.. Follow me, Cherlindria awaits.

Just then, the baby flutterplume jumped out of D’Wook’s backpack and ran for the small grouping of trees (that didn’t quite constitute a forest) behind the temple. D’Wook and Vero chased after it.

The rest of the party entered the temple.

In the main chamber of the temple, Cherlindria, a young woman in a white robe sat at a large table. Seated to either side of her were two young girls. Cherlindria invited everyone to have a seat.

Cherlindria: Come! We’ve been expecting you!

Turk: Please explain, you speak as if our arrival is preordained.

Cherlindria: The Force works in mysterious ways. Let’s just leave it at that. I see you’ve all met the leader of the Tir Asleenian guard, Haloro Danan. He’s been reduced to being merely my bodyguard these days, what with my former master Sifo-Dyas having conquered the kingdom.  And these are my apprentices, Fin Rasiel and Bavmorda.

Jeegn: Aren’t you supposed to be dead? Sifo-Dyas said you were killed by trolls.

Cherlindria: When I was escaping Tir Asleen, we were attacked by trolls, yes. One of the women with our group was among the dead. So I switched my underwear with her so they would think it was me. Jedi put our names on our underwear afterall.

Everyone looked at Hal, quizzically.

Hal: Hey, what is everyone looking at me for?

Cherlindria then began to explain the circumstances of her escape. She learned of Sifo-Dyas' plan to cripple the Republic with force tech weaponry using the abundant kyber crystals on this planet.

She thinks he will try to use the Silverlight to find a way to shield the planet from the pulsar... then using modern tech, he will enslave the planet and mine more kyber crystals that was always the problem with his plan, that he didn’t have a ship, but now he does.

She also explained how he took over Tir Asleen after she left him during the last eclipse, he and his band of clones used a lightsaber and a few blasters to kill the king and take over the castle.

In the months after, as the people of Tir Asleen organized into an army and attempted to oust him, he had them all turned to stone.

Cherlindria: Now these people think he and I are wizards and sorcerers, and they fear us. So they do whatever he says. Over the past decade he has expanded his army of clones and he is now the most powerful force on the planet.

But... he is running out of embryos, and so he probably has just enough for one more generation, and discontent is rising. So in order to keep power, he’s going to need to construct his kyber weapon during this next eclipse, in order to rule by fear.

Cherlindria then asked Hal to tell her the latest news from the Republic.

Hal: Well, you see.. The Republic doesn’t exist anymore...

Cherlindria: What? How could the Jedi have allowed that to happen?

Hal: Hmm, well you see... the Jedi.. are also nearly extinct. There was a great purge and the clone troopers killed most of the Jedi off.

Cherlindria: The clones? But they were programmed to obey us without question!

Hal: There was a secret order called Order 66 that triggered them all to murder the Jedi. Oh, and Chancellor Palpatine was a Sith lord and he’s now emperor. 

Cherlindria: Why are your clones not trying to kill you then?

Hal: It’s a long story.. But these are droids who have had their memories transferred into clone bodies... and these clones were engineered about 20 years after Order 66, so they might not even have that order.

Cherlindria: But the Jedi aren’t all extinct though. You’re a padawan, so you must have a master.

Hal: My master is Schala Zeal.

Cherlindria: Ah, Master Zeal. I am glad she survived the purge. 

Hal: Well actually...

Cut away to D’Wook climbing a tree and Vero throwing her rope up into the branches. They shimmy up to see that the flutterplume baby has begun to molt.

Cut back to the rest of the party:

Cherlindria: And then you just... killed her?

Hal: She practically begged me to!

Grundle: Wait a second. Maybe that’s how we can defeat Sifo-Dyas! We just have to get the word out that Order 66 has been called and his whole army will turn on him.

Cherlindria: That’s a great idea, but they probably won’t believe you. They probably need the Chancellor, er, I mean, the Emperor to give the order.

Grundle: Well what if... we have our clones tell them that the order has been given?

Cherlindria: That might work, but they might not believe it because they are running around with Hal and not killing him.

Grundle: Why don’t we just stage his death then? We just need to get in front of Sifo-Dyas’ guards, have the clones shout that Order 66 has been called, and have them “kill” Hal. Then when they turn on Sifo-Dyas, we jump into the Silverlight and take off.

Cherlindria: An excellent plan. The only problem is that you’ll never make it to his guards when he has such a vast army you need to get through. 

Turk: If only there were a way to soften the statue army of Tir Asleen.

Cherlindria: Oh, there is, but I need my wand for that. And unfortunately the wand is far to the north in Castle Nockmaar.

Nockmaar is the site where Syfo Dias first tried experiments to get us off this planet. Using the force he opened up some sort of a void above the castle that he had hoped to use as a means to slingshot a ship to a takeoff point. He was able to trick the king of Nockmaar into going along with the plan, promising him that Nockmaar would become even stronger than Tir Asleen ever was.

The void has ruined the town, turned its people to ash and it grows stronger every day. He hasn’t closed it because it keeps the kingdom of Nockmaar off his back.

You must go retrieve the wand from the castle. Bavmorda is from there, so she can tell you more about it.

Bavmorda: The heart of Nockmaar’s King Jheros has been corrupted by the Dark Side of the  Force, and he guards the wand  in his bedchamber, waiting for the day when Syfo Dyas will release him and he can bring NockMaar to its golden age. That day sadly will never come. 

To get the wand, you will probably have to put Jheros out of his misery.

She sketched out a small map of the castle and handed it to Turk, who appeared to be the most intelligent of the lot.

This is what the map looked like. Replace "Cinis" with "Nockmaar."

Cherlindria: The wand looks like a withered stick, but it is actually a Jedi amplifier that increases the force abilities of any force user who wields it. Currently it is being used by Charmayne to maintain the void, which has been useful in that it has shock value so that no one will oppose Syfo Dyas.

Retrieve the wand and return to this isle. Then we can plan our assault on Tir Asleen and get you all home. 

Grundle asked if maybe Bavmorda could go with them as a guide. Sensing that he wanted to kill off the villain of the movie Willow, the GM consented to allowing Fin Rasiel to go with them.

The party, sans Vero and D’Wook and plus Rasiel then ventured back across the lake and headed north, being careful to take the long way around Tir Asleen, through the canyon maze and eventually came to the outskirts of Nockmaar’s castle town, which lie in ruins as if a fire had swept through it. Above the castle they could see what appeared to be a black hole sucking pieces of ash from the castle into it. Various parts of the castle appeared to be floating in mid-air, held in a delicate balance by virtue of their own weight and the pull of the void.

Nockmaar's seen better days.

The party advanced toward the castle and saw that it was guarded by troops patrolling the grounds in pairs. According to the map they could get into the dining room through the large windows. They thought to try to time their rush to the window so that the patrols would miss them.

(Editor’s note: This is a dungeon crawl deliberately lifted out of a Dungeons and Dragons campaign called the Heart of Ashes. It’s a dungeon crawl so there are encounters in practically every room and it’s been a while so I don’t remember the exact details of what happened.)

So this happened at one point. That's Hal using the force to get into the next tower.

(Editor's note continued: But CT-12’s character kept wanting to steal noisy items like chain mail and helmets in moments where stealth was needed. At one point when he was searching for things to steal, I said there was a set of 12 golden handbells and he wanted to grab them all and the rest of the party desperately tried to stop him. I will fast forward until the final encounter. Those interested in the entire dungeon crawl can read the exact campaign here.)

Wow... kinda scary!

So eventually they made their way to Jheros’ bedchamber and he looked liked a burned zombie and towered over everyone. He shot fire out of his right hand scorching everyone who didn’t jump out of the way.

Turk, Jeegn, Grundle and Hal, all took swings or shots at him with their various weapons and he did appear to be injured, but any cuts they made were healed seconds later. 

The king smacked Jeegn silly. 

Turk, Grundle, CT-12, and CT-16 all took more shots at him. CT-16 even managed to sever his head. But the head was drawn back to the body and the wound healed itself.

The king shot ice out of his right hand at the whole party.

It was then that Hal drove the legendary sword into where his heart should be. The king stood up as beams of light shot out of his mouth and nose and ears and all his other holes.

Jeegn noticed that his pointer finger on his right hand looked like a withered stick, so he chopped it off with his axe and put the stick in his pocket.

Hal pulled the sword out to try to stab the king again, but as soon as he removed the sword, the king punched Grundle so hard that he flew into the back wall.

Turk: Stab him in the heart with the sword again!

Hal obliged. And the king again stood motionless with the glow of the sword once again shining through all his holes. He floated upward toward the void, as Hal hung on for dear life. They tied a rope around Hal’s legs so that if they got sucked into the void they could retrieve him. 

Eventually the king disappeared into the black hole. The sudden weight of the sword dropped downward onto the rope holding Hal, severing it. And he too got sucked in.

The sword fell to the ground.

Everyone looked a bit distraught over what had just happened... except for Fin Rasiel, who picked up the legendary sword.

Raisel: Let’s stop dilly-dallying and get that wand to Cherlindria.

-To Be Continued-