So this session began with a merging of universes. Turk and D'wook's players were present to join the new group.
The last session ended on the cliffhanger with the party having been captured by the pirates they freed from Captain Needa's Star Destroyer.
But rather than opening with the whole group brought to Jabba to be sentenced, I decided that that's something that just happened between sessions, so we opened the session with the skiff traveling towards the sarlaac with Jabba’s pleasure barge leading the way, with a large group of spectators.
Opening Crawl:
Tragedy! The band of heroic rebels have been captured by pirates and taken to the vile gangster Jabba the Hutt for a hefty bounty.
The empire is now the least of their worries because Jabba has sentenced them to death in the belly of the Sarlaac, where they will know a new definition of pain and suffering as they are slowly digested over a thousand years.
Jabba’s sail barge sails over the Dune Sea toward the pit of Carkoon, with the prisoners in tow...
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| Yikes! |
Although there was no way that they were going to get out of being fed to the sarlaac, the group decided they were going to definitely take a few of Jabba’s men with them.
When they arrived, the protocol droid told them, much like in Return of the Jedi, that Jabba would allow them to beg for their lives, and gave them the opportunity for last words.
Jeegn then began a long winded speech, where he would have individually thanked each party member. He started with Grundle calling him the best bandmate a Rodian could ever hope for and embellishing their relationship together over the years. Then he moved on to Turk, describing him as one of the finest pilots he has ever known, and a very cunning man who was able to cheat death with his underwear stunt.
When he moved on to Vero, Jabba (in Huttese) voiced his displeasure and one of the henchmen kicked Jeegn into the pit below. The crowd on the sail barge let out a loud cheer.
Turk was meant to go first so his hands were not bound. So he attempted to grab a blaster from one of the men, and that’s when all hell broke loose.
Vero grappled a guy with her legs and they went over the edge into the pit. The crowd cheered.
Grundle was next and he charged another of the men and they both went over the edge. The crowd roared.
Then the guy Turk was struggling with let go of the rifle and the momentum carried Turk over the railing and into the pit. He dropped the gun on the way down. There was thundrous applause.
D’wook tried to wrestle a weapon a way from another guy but then that guy was hit by a blast coming from the sail barge. They both fell in. More cheers.
Hal also tried find the driver and ran forward to the front of the skiff, to attack him, but he stepped out of the way and Hal went over. Applause applause.
It was then that Hal had another vision.
Another grayscale vision, this time Hal was holding a pink lightsaber. He stood before the sarlaac and several late clone wars-era clone troopers stood behind.
Clone commander: It looks like it will come out if anyone goes into the pit. My men can then shoot it from outside. What are your orders, General?
Hal said, in a female voice, that he would go in as bait.
The commander said, “Crikey, You mean you’re going to be the bait?”
Hal confirmed (s)he would be the bait.
Commander: “What if you don’t survive? You’re worth a lot to me.”
Hal said s(he) would be careful.
Commander: “You’re no good to me dead. I will join you to make sure you come out safely, General.”
Just then a tentacle came out from the pit to attack and Hal swung the lightsaber slicing the tentacle in half.
On his/her comlink, Hal heard: “Commander Keith, Execute Order 66.”
The Commander turned and grappled her/him and the rest of the clone troopers started shooting. Both were hit multiple times and then a large tentacle wrapped around them and pulled them both in.
Those watching Hal saw him fall into the pit, stand up and seemingly take a few empty handed swings and talk to himself, then he collapsed as if he were pretending to be shot multiple times and he fell to the ground and rolled into the mouth of the sarlaac.
Anyway, tentacles grabbed everyone and began pulling them in, but then Grundle let out a very loud Ithorian roar that startled the monster and made him let go, but the roar caused a sand avalanche and caused most of the people in the pit to fall into the maw of the sarlaac... except for Grundle and Turk as they were falling into the maw, Turk managed to grab one of the teeth to prevent falling in, and Grundle was able to grab ahold of Turk.
Turk tried to hold on but his hand was slipping. Grundle tried to climb up his body but as his weight shifted Turk’s hand slipped and everyone fell in.
Inside the sarlaac everyone, including Jabba’s men began to scream as the most agonizing pain they had ever felt in their lives began to affect all their exposed areas. Vero wanted to try to climb out but she was unable to move. Eventually everyone stopped screaming and began to feel sleepy.
Grundle recalled that feeling sleepy was supposed to not be possible inside a sarlaac because it supposedly would keep you awake and alive so it can feed on your fight or flight chemicals (like adrenaline) produced in the brain. (Side note: Grundle’s player is a neurophysicist so he started asking details that went over my head about which specific chemicals and what process by which the sarlaac keeps people alive. I then explained that the sarlaac, while it does digest the body slowly, it keeps the brain alive through the sharing of nutrients through and umbilical appendage that latches onto the head. The enzymes in the sarlaac painfully digest the body but the brain is kept in tact and always conscious so that the chemicals are fed into the sarlaac, and that is what it subsists on. The brain would continue to live for as long as the sarlaac lives... and if the sarlaac lives to be 50,000 years, the pain would be felt for approximately that amount of time. He took the explanation but I am sure he had his doubts.
Everyone slowly drifted to sleep
Except HAL, who heard voices in his head, asking who he was and why they let a youngling out of the temple.
After HAL revealed that the Republic won the clone wars but was reorganized into the Galactic Empire, led by Emperor Palpatine, and the Empire is hunting down the Jedi.
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| This is what she looked like... back then. |
The voice introduced herself as Jedi Master Schala Zeal. She explained that she was sent to Tatooine to eradicate slavery from Mos Epsa, but the sarlaac attacked their transport. She then described what happened in Hal’s vision. For some reason, the clones turned on her and she ended up down here. She’s been using the force to keep everyone inside the sarlaac except herself unconscious, so that they don’t feel the excruciating pain.
The darkness then faded. Hal was standing in a grassy field across from a shadowy figure, dressed in a brown robe. The figure pulled off her hood revealing a human face with blue hair. She was also wearing a pendant with strange markings on it.
Schala: Now Hal Brunchkiller… do you wish to walk the path of the Jedi?
She ignited a pink lightsaber and said, “Your powers are weak!” “Her face contorts and says: “You have much to learn. And I will teach you!”
She took three swings at Hal with the saber and he blocked them
She then said: “Clear your mind of all thoughts.” And he sat into a lotus position and began breathing deeply.
Music: Rocky theme
Schala began sharing pearls of Jedi wisdom with Hal.
A Jedi’s power flows from the force.
“Feel the force growing within you”
“Be ONE with the Force”
The scene changed. Hal was now on the summit of a great mountain. Schala continued with more wisdom.
“A lightsaber is not just a weapon, my Padawan learner, it is an extension of the Jedi connected by the force.”
“Beware of the dark side.. Hal… it will tempt you.”
“Fighting is not always the answer, young Hal but you should always be ready should it come to that.”
The scene changed again to a tropical beach. Hal’s hairstyle changed to a padawan braid behind his right ear. He was standing on one hand and levitating seashells. The pearls of wisdom continued
“Do or do not. There is no try.”
“Fear, anger, and hate. They all lead to the Dark side”
“Be like water, my young Padawan learner”
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| AI art did an okay job, but not sure why there is also a pink saber coming from her liver. |
The scene changed again to the same grassy field as before, but there were now flowers growing amidst the grass. It was also very sunny and the braid was longer. The final tidbits of wisdom were shared.
“Now you know... and knowing is half the battle.”
“Freedom is the right of all sentient beings.”
“A Jedi fights for TRUTH, JUSTICE, AND the am. Um wait uh....I mean.... With great power comes great responsibility!”
Schala again attacked Hal three times, all of which he blocked. Then she told him to build on the parry with an immediate attack. This continued several times until he was successful in scoring a hit.
Everything went dark again.
Schala’s actual voice, nowhere near as graceful as it had been in visions, but rather one that sounded as if it would belong to a dying old woman, told him to say the words.
Hal said:
There is no emotion; there is peace.
There is no ignorance; there is knowledge
There is no passion, there is serenity.
There is no death; there is the Force.
Schala: “Now my young padawan, the time has come for you to fulfill your destiny.”
Hal was able to sense something that he could telekinetically pull to himself.
Music: The force theme from Star Wars
Hal used the force to bring the object into his hands. It felt like a lightsaber. He turned it on and the inside of the sarlaac lit up. He held the lightsaber aloft as the music neared completion
Hal could see all of his companions and Jabba’s men with umbilical tendrils latched on to various places on their body. He also noticed that everyone with hair had much longer hair. Deep within the stomach lining, he could see a suit of late clone wars clone trooper armor, and a woman’s body with the skin melted off. She had what appeared to be blue hair, but then again, the lightsaber was emitting a pinkish light so it was difficult to make out.
Music: Stan Bush - The Touch
Schala said: “Go my young Padawan. And remember, the Dark Side of the force leads to ruin. Now help me to become one with the force.”
Hal asked if she meant that she wanted him to kill her. She confirmed that she did, and bade him to finish her mission.
He drove the lightsaber into her skull and her body suddenly disappeared. He could hear her voice saying “The force will be with you... always.”
At that moment everyone who she had been keeping unconscious woke and everyone started screaming.
Hal cut his companions free one by one and cut a large hole into the side of the sarlaac stomach, revealing a wall of sand. Turk asked looked around to see if there were any blaster rifles. There were, but he was in too much agony to try to walk over to one and pick it up.
Hal was able to lift many of his companions, both with the force and by dragging them into the hole. The whole party except Turk started digging. Turk asked Hal to go back into the sarlaac to pick up a blaster rifle. Hal tried, but noticed that he was now no longer immune to the sarlaac’s digestive juices. Jabba’s men and everyone else down inside the sarlaac begged them not to leave them down there. The party did nothing to help them and continued digging.
Eventually they surfaced in front of the sarlaac pit. The brightness of the twin suns stung their eyes and their clothes were in various phases of digestion to the point that they were not recognizable, except for the stormtrooper armor that Hal and Jeegn were wearing.
Hal used the force to try to locate the Mos Eisley speeder rental clerk and it told him to walk to the northeast.
As they began walking they noticed a singular figure walking toward them in the distance. As it got closer they could see it was a sand person.
D’wook and Turk dove for cover. Hal stupidly raised his hand to wave again and he nearly lost a finger as the Tusken Raider grazed his hand.
Vero, Jeegn and Grundle also took positions behind some rocks. Hal stood there.. Wondering what course of action might be best, discussing with Grundle that with the absence of blasters this encounter with sand people might be difficult.
Grundle suggested that because they were being digested they should probably avoid fighting in their weakened state.
Two of the Tuskens peeeld off from the group and took positions behind rocks.
Hal and Grundle began talking about how maybe if they had something to make a fire they could scare them off.
Vero shouted at Hal: Yeah, fire, gee if only we had something that looked like fire that would scare off Tusken Raiders who are afraid of Jedi!
Hal lit his lightsaber and the Tuskens scattered, except for one. He rose his hand and waived at Hal.
He approached the party and offered them his canteen. It was the same one they had encountered before and spared after vanquishing his friends.
He offered to take everyone aboard banthas to Mos Eisley, but stopped about 50m from the outskirts of the city.
Everyone made their way into the city, heading for the medical center, which is across the street from the cantina and next to the droid shop.
Turk, upon hearing various familiar beeps and boops recognized that his droid was nearby. He walked into the droid shop to find L1 with a restraining bolt. He claimed to the Toydarian shopkeeper that it was his.
The shopkeeper protested saying that he bought it fair and square.
Turk tried to intimidate him by saying he was a stormtrooper and the droid was imperial property so he better hand it over.
The shopkeeper said he couldn’t be a stormtrooper because his armor was too tattered and he didn’t even have a helmet.
Turk insisted that he was, and the shopkeeper asked him to prove it.
D’wook then took out Turk’s stormtrooper dog tags which he had stolen in the first session and then the shopkeeper relented, removing L1’s restraining bolt. He also installed a prototype voicebox which would allow L1 to speak using simple sentences 1D words long.
Turk asked him if he had any guns, and the shopkeeper said he was in the droid business. Get the heck out of here!
They left the shop with L1 and the group realized they wanted to use the bacta tanks but have no money. So Jeegn and Grundle planned to busk on the street to raise funds. Just then Shal (the tree-man character) walked into the cantina.
The group followed him inside, except for L1 because they don’t like droids in that particular cantina.
Inside, Jeegn and Grundle noticed a poster showing that their band, the Ice Pirates were on a galactic tour and they were coming to the outer rim soon. Tickets were 100 credits. The dates on the poster were two years later than they expected the current year to be. On holoprojector, they saw first a public service announcement offering reward for the capture of Han Solo and Luke Skywalker for blowing up the Death Star two years ago.
The public service announcement finished and news showed that an Ice Pirates concert on Dantooine had been sold out last week, with footage of Jeegn and Grundle playing.
Grundle began to wonder if they may have been cloned or replaced with lookalikes.
A patron at the bar mentioned that the band was really good two years ago but for some reason they sound more like a tribute act now.
Jeegn and Grundle got on stage at the cantina to try to earn money by performing, and they would have sounded perfect individually, but together they were off key. Two years in the sarlaac will do that to you.
The bar patron said that they needed more practice if they wanted to sound like the real deal.
Turk began talking with Shal, who was surprised at the coincidence of meeting the people who awoke him two years prior. He explained that the Ithorian herd ship he had made a new life on was orbiting Tatooine and they were welcome to join him.
Vero asked if they could use some bacta tanks on board.
Shal said that he would arrange it if they came on board and gave them instructions to come docking bay 93 and say that they were guests of Shal.
Two stormtroopers then walked into the cantina and noticed Turk wearing stormtrooper armor, which is illegal for non-stormtroopers.
Turk saw that the stormtroopers were holding blaster rifles. He thought it might be a good idea to walk over and grab one. D’wook frowned and gave Turk the evil eye.
Turk explained that he was a stormtrooper and he and his friends had been through a lot. The stormtroopers asked what Turk’s operating number was. He said.... Um... TK-1... 8... 3? The other stormtrooper drew his weapon and said “TK numbers were only issued to personnel stationed on the Death Star... now who are you, really?”
Hal, wearing a now partially digested Imperial officer’s uniform, stepped in and told the troopers it was true. They had indeed been stationed on the Death Star and escaped when it blew up. He offered to buy them two rounds of drinks at the bar.
He told the barkeep to put it on his tab, and gave a fake name, Ral Breakfastmuncher.
Now the party was worried that they had no money but now had to pay a bar tab. Turk went to go talk to the stormtroopers and asked them to show him their blaster rifles. They asked why. He said he knew a drill to take it apart and reassemble it in under 30 seconds.
The stormtrooper, intrigued, asked Turk to show him. Turk grabbed the gun and said.. “See you hold it like this... and then and then you wait for the right time... and you take this part out NOW...”
The stormtrooper looked at him funny. “Now?”
Turk shouted. “Yes, NOW!” He had hoped that the rest of the party would take it as a signal to rush the stormtroopers, but they all decided to take their leave when Turk was distracting them.
Only Hal remained. He contemplated stabbing them in the back with a lightsaber, but thought better of using the force to attack them unprovoked. Hal shoved the table and knocked over the stormtroopers. Turk grabbed the other blaster rifle and they made for the door. The barkeep shouted Hey! You didn’t pay your tab!
The rest of the party was running through the streets of Mos Eisley searching for docking bay 93, which Vero, who was in the front, was able to recall the general direction of.
Hal, Turk and L1 followed close behind when the whole party was caught by 5 stormtroopers ahead and five more behind.
L1 punched three of them out with his boxing glove and tripped another with a banana peel he shot out of one of his panels.Hal and Turk tried to shoot the last two but missed several times, hitting L1 for no damage. Eventually they shot the other two and moved ahead to join the others.
Vero, Jeegn, Grundle and D’wook took care of the other five, including one bloodthirsty team maneuver with D’wook going high and Vero going low, resulting in a stormtrooper having his neck broken and spun completely around, landing with his helmet (and head) completely backwards.
They made their way to docking bay 93, where an Ithorian docking attendant, speaking only to Grundle, refused to let all but him aboard.
Grundle dropped Shal’s name, explaining how they go way back, and the attendant mentioned they had a room reservation at the hotel on the lake.
They were escorted to first class aboard the transport that would take them to the herd ship Bazaar. As in-flight entertainment, they watched an entire Jeegn Ztungles and the Ice Pirates concert from a week prior. The two musicians saw that it looked exactly like them.
Roll Credits
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